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The Evil Quaker Oats Ad
Unknown Author. Have you ever had Quaker's Oatmeal? Or maybe their grits? Very delicious, right? Not what I thought, after seeing this very spooky commercial. I couldn't sleep, and it was 3 AM in the morning. I had nothing else to do. I was not in the mood to play any of my cool and awesome hentai games on Steam. There was nothing on Netflix. So I decided to watch some good old cable television with DirecTV. I decided to watch some good old FXX, some of my favorite shows are on that network. I was watching Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It is one of my favorite shows and I was rolling on the floor laughing. The person down below told me to shut the fuck up over the phone because I was making too much noise and I had to be more quiet. However, it was all fun and games until a certain thing happened. It was time for commercial break. I picked up my phone to pass the time but I heard a weird sound. It was a test pattern. On the test pattern, it said, "Lost Quaker Oats Commercial", along with timestamps. Quakers Oats? The oatmeal brand? Why was there a test pattern? However, before I could ask those questions, the commercial started. It showed a drawing of a wheat field during sunrise, and the music that was playing was somewhat eerie and odd. Out of nowhere, a blurry figure appeared. I jumped a little bit because the figure scared me. Over the course of 5 seconds, the figure got less blurry. It was a spooky distorted image of the Quaker Oats man. I was really spooked. The figure stayed on screen for 3 seconds, until it was replaced by a poorly drawn Quaker Oats man. I could not help but snicker at the sight, but I was also very creeped still by the music and what I have previously saw. That was not it. The Quaker Oats man said with shitty lipsyncing, "Time to rise and shine." His voice echoed. I was also startled at that. "You deserve an oats of the highest caliber." he then said. What is he talking about? Who made this commercial and who voiced him? He has a voice? I still had a lot of questions. "Wanna try my wheat? Come get some grains, friend!" He said in a friendly, yet creepy voice, like Pennywise the dancing clown from the movie IT. No, Quaker oats man. I did not want your grains. He then made a weird face with his mouth for a few seconds and then got back to talking. "My barley's top the shelf! I'm a man of my word!" Just when I started to think it was all over, something even worse happened. The distorted Quakers Oats man was back. However, he was bigger and he was made out of grains as the background. Text popped up on the screen. I know a good rye when I see one. I was very scared at this point. I vomited all over the floor because of how scared I was. The music then ended, with the text and disturbing background on the screen. The commercial was then over, followed by 5 minutes of static. After the static, it showed a "Technical difficulties; we'll be right back" screen. I cleaned up the vomit but I was still confused. What was that I just saw? I needed answers. I tried to email FXX and Quakers Oats, however they had no idea what I was talking about and told me that this email was not for jokes. Jokes? I was not joking. I saw the commercial loud and clear on my screen. They thought the screenshot was just a joke too. It made me very angry. The startling imagery combined with the creepy music and random dialogue still haunt me to this day. I have no idea what psycho made it, but the commercial took a big toll on me. The words... "Come get some grains, friend..." echo throughout my head whenever I see a box of Quaker brand oatmeal. In fact, I avoid oatmeal and granola bars because they remind me of Quaker which reminds me of this commercial. I also do not watch FXX anymore in case they show the commercial again. If you see a test pattern saying "Quaker Oats Lost Commercial", please change the channel, or you may end up like me. This is a warning. Category:CreepyPasta Article